The Blair Mangelli Project is the compelling as-of-yet unfinished documentary starring Old Saint Nick, in which he coined his campaign slogan, "Boo Hoo". The circumstances surrounding the project and its documentation are the ostensible reason for Old Saint Nick's abandonment of the Barta Gretek community (the true reason for his abrupt and unforeseen departure being heartbreak).

The Attacks Edit

The Plan Edit

The original plan for the Blair Mangelli Project was forged one night by four friends, The Flesh of Bulls, MC Yahweh, Tarvis and The Penis He Thought Was His Own. Finding an ideal spot for the hijinks, the friends began to plot. The victims of this cruel prank were to be the unsuspecting Drinkus, That Ignorant, Ignorant Cowboy, and Old Saint Nick, perceived as the three primary beta males of the community. The prank was to be a one-off, delivered in a manner short and sweet and to package a neat scare, the effect on the beta males was to be recorded. A trail just west of Van Maren Park was chosen as the ideal location for the prank, which involved dressing up as midnight marauders and plundering Tarvis' car violently.

Attack #1: "Flee, Travis, Flee!" Edit

The first attack was the most innocuous, it was arranged over the period of a week for the weekend after the vague blueprints were designed. After easily baiting the three beta males, the plotters began the set-up. Three were to hide in the bushes with panty-hose over their face, while Tarvis' car rolled silently onto the desolate trail from the bustling suburban streets. The car pulled up just as The Flesh of Bulls finished fucking Tango Charlie in the bushes. One of the attackers climbed on the roof of the car while two others attacked from the front, scaring the bahjeesus out of those unsuspecting few in the car. However, MC Yahweh forgot to take off the lens cap, so only audio is available for this attack.

  • Tarvis - driver
  • The Flesh of Bulls - attacking from the driver's side
  • The Penis He Thought was His Own - attacking from the rear
  • David's Little Brother - attacking from the front
  • Tango Charlie - remaining nestled in the bushes
  • Drinkus - front passenger's seat
  • Old Saint Nick - rear middle seat
  • MC Yahweh - rear driver's side window
  • That Ignorant, Ignorant Cowboy - rear passenger's side window

Attack #2: Ayo Edit

Attack #2 was much more elaborate than the first attack. Drinkus and That Ignorant, Ignorant Cowboy had since learned that the first attack was all a clever ploy through a variety of means. This left Old Saint Nick the only unenlightened body. The excuse for returning to the trail was simple, to catch another glimpse of the mysterious attackers. Old Saint Nick naturally didn't like this idea, but his willingness to resist was diminished after he was brought to Mr. Cannon's house to smoke marijuana. Tarvis picked up Old Saint Nick, and was forced to hang out with him while the attackers prepared. Old Saint Nick and Tarvis ate jelly bellies and freestyled until it was time for action. Two vehicles went towards the trail. That Ignorant, Ignorant Cowboy waited in a minivan, while Tarvis' car began to move into the trail. Tarvis' passengers were The Flesh of Bulls, Tango Charlie, The Penis He Thought Was His Own, and Old Saint Nick.

Tarvis parked in the trail, and assured the passengers that no attackers were around. All of the sudden, The Wiz, wearing a paintball mask and a sleeveless flannel shirt, violently pulled Tarvis from the vehicle. He was thrown against the hood of the car and covered in fake blood. The Wiz bent him over, and began to give him a good raping. As if this wasn't terrifying enough, several other attackers with weapons started to run towards the car. Tango Charlie was immediately taken, and The Flesh of Bulls was tackled while trying to escape. Only The Penis He Thought Was His Own and Old Saint Nick were able to retreat to That Ignorant, Ignorant Cowboy's van. From there, they went to Donut King. The Penis He Thought Was His Own explained that he didn't want to get the cops involved, and Old Saint Nick did not question the decision. Old Saint Nick really didn't seem too upset about his recently murdered friends. "Boom diddy boom diddy boom diddy boom," he said. "Ayo, wanna go to Anus' parrrrrty?" Eventually, the survivors received a phone call, informing them that Tarvis, The Flesh of Bulls, and Tango Charlie escaped after all.

They met in front of Eco-Thrift, and gave Old Saint Nick some extremely believable explanations as to how they managed to make it out alive. Tango Charlie, upset about being left behind, gave Old Saint Nick a slap to the face, which seemed to upset him more than the idea of her being raped and murdered. Later, the survivors dropped off Old Saint Nick and went to That Ignorant, Ignorant Cowboy's house to watch the video.

Attack #3: Boohoo! Edit

See: Boo Hoo

Tarvis and Drinkus were at the horse races downtown, and received a call from The Penis He Thought Was His Own, who asked if they wanted to participate in a third attack, with the help of DJ Does a Good Job. Tarvis said he couldn't because he was too far away, and said it probably wouldn't be that funny anyway. Boy, was he wrong.

Old Saint Nick freaked the fuck out during this attack, after staying relatively calm in the last attack. This was somewhat confusing, as nobody appeared to be injured in this attack, while Attack #2 involved rape and murder. Old Saint Nick was most likely afraid of being raped, as Tarvis was on the hood of his car the week before. Video is available for this attack as well, and it is considered by most to be the best attack.

Attack #4: The Treachery of Anus Edit

See: The Great Reveal

Anus ruins everything he gets involved in. This was the last attack, and the least funny. The new location, the involvement of Ball King '08, and the elaborate plan should have made it as good as the others, if not better. Anus made sure to tell Old Saint Nick the truth about everything, convincing him that his friends were assholes. He did this because he wanted to gain Old Saint Nick's trust, so he get him addicted to drugs and steal money from him. When the attack happened, Old Saint Nick jumped out of the car and tried to chase The Flesh of Bulls and Tarvis. Mr. Cannon was in the car with Anus and Old Saint Nick, and was supposed to film everything. He failed to do so, most likely under the orders of Anus. This night was a major disappointment to the attackers, and caused Old Saint Nick's entire world to crumble. Anus was very pleased with himself, and went home to jerk off three or four times. Old Saint Nick began to plot his revenge.