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Masturbation is what your life is a sad. In most cases, it's a group activity performed by everyone involved with Barta Gretek Records. Although occasionally done in private, masturbation within the Barta Gretek community most often takes place on car door handles, inside boots, and inside coin purses.

History Edit

2001 Edit

DJ Does a Good Job starts masturbating.

2003–2007 Edit

Everyone else starts masturbating.

Spring 2008 Edit

After discovering That's Adultery, Superfan Will starts masturbating.

How to Masturbate Edit

  1. Go to Donut King and ask for some dough.
  2. Bring it home, and go into your bathroom. Be sure to turn off all the lights.
  3. Stick the end of a hair brush into whichever hole you poop out of.
  4. Mold the dough into some arousing shape.
  5. Do what feels natural.
  6. Check up with Tarvis to make sure the bleeding was normal.