Holly Herpes



Card type(s):

Drug, dumb


Meth addicts



Known for:

Letting people come over and drink at her mom's house, doing lots of coke, crashing into a PARKED car, attacking people in their garages with her tweaker boyfriend.

Holly Herpes (not to be confused with Holly Harper, a fictional character on the primetime show Brothers and Sisters) is a blonde-haired woman who can neither drive nor do much of anything else right.

History Edit

Early Life Edit

Holly Herpes was born into a middle-class American family. The majority of her childhood was spent snogging BriBear.

The Parking Lot Incident (or Why Holly is a Mistake) Edit

Sometime in 2008, Tarvis, The Flesh of Bulls, and That Ignorant, Ignorant Cowboy were resting in Tarvis's car after a long evening of shopping, Goofy String, and fooling around. After a while the trio called Holly Herpes on the telephone. She arrived in her racecar. Tarvis, The Flesh of Bulls, and That Ignorant, Ignorant Cowboy entered Holly Herpes's car and played a bunch of tricks on her—many ancient superstitions regarding motor vehicle operation.

After this tomfoolery, the four returned to the parking lot and redistributed themselves to their original cars. Farewells were bid, and Holly Herpes started her car in efforts to flee the parking lot. However, upon seeing That Ignorant, Ignorant Cowboy open the back door to Tarvis's car, a fit of rage greater than anything Patrick Sawyer could produce engulfed Holly Herpes. She had to crush Tarvis, The Flesh of Bulls, and That Ignorant, Ignorant Cowboy. Holly Herpes violently slammed her massive foot onto the accelerator, her car aimed directly at That Ignorant, Ignorant Cowboy. Doubting his ability to effectively shield Tarvis's car from Holly Herpes's, That Ignorant, Ignorant Cowboy dove out of the way, leaving Tarvis's car totaled and Holly Herpes's without a scratch. By the time Tarvis and The Flesh of Bulls had regained consciousness, though, Holly Herpes was nowhere to be found.


Tarvis' car afterwards

Influence on Kill Harbert Edit

That MealEdit

Holly Herpes went to Taco Bell and forced Tarvis to write a song about the experience.

The Kill Harbert MySpace Profile Edit

After the influential Taco Bell shenanigans, Holly Herpes deleted the Kill Harbert's MySpace account in an act of jealosy toward NEDM. Having wanted to perform in Kill Harbert since the band's creation, Holly Herpes believed she could construct an entirely new MySpace account with her in NEDM's place. However, because she can't drive, this was never accomplished.

Holly's Latest SchemeEdit

On June 22, 2010, Holly Herpes, for some reason, showcased her incompetence by making an AOL instant messenger screen name similar to Tarvis'. With her new identity, Holly decided to IM KA47 and tell him to "match this." KA47 immediately noticed that this screen name did not belong to Tarvis. The mysterious screen name then signed off. A confused KA47 IM'd Tarvis, who quickly realized there was a vast conspiracy against him.

Two days later, the strange screen name signed on, and Tarvis IM'd it. He asked it to identify itself, and it said "bak with 14-Year-Old Girl and Anus.. at least we're official now, and she's not 14." The strange screen name signed off once more. Tarvis, The Flesh of Bulls, NEDM, KA47, all the king's horses, and all the king's men failed to think of a realistic suspect. In the end, sarahforbes suggested the possibility that it might be Holly Herpes. This was the only suspect that made any sense, since Holly is stupid and lame enough, and cares enough, to do something like this. Soon after, it was discovered that Holly is pregnant, which may or may not be part of her scheme.