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BriBear
Picture 4
"shut the fuck up, I live in an $800,000 house"

Born:

1990

Card type(s):

Drug, lascivious

Family:

Worthless

Friends:

Worthless

Associated acts:

David Paste (contributed to an early version of "In My Haversack")

Known for:

Raping Holly Herpes, being an object of derisive laughter.

BriBear is a piece of shit in alliance with Anus. He stole Collin Chess Brother's iPod. Bribear is said to have the personality of a dead moth.

History Edit

Early History and the Purge Edit

Bribear was originally thought of as a boring and innocuous tagalong unworthy of scorn or of praise. He drifted through our lives like a dead moth being carried by wind currents, the dust on his sallow wings losing its sheen with each passing day. Bribear probably has good intentions, unlike his counterpart Anus, but is such an unrepentant fuckup that he ends up being just as bad. After a while of drifting around and lurking silently in the shadows, he pounced on and raped The Flesh of Bulls' recent ex-girlfriend. Flesh was notably upset, but other future Greteks sought not to exert the effort to purge such a puny, frail milquetoast. Flesh finally brought the others around when Bribear responded to his cries for blood with the insult "bumpy arms bitch." The insult was so offensively bad that all were repulsed by Bribear's simple presence.

Bribear Walks Alone Edit

After all of his former hosts rid themselves of this leech, Bribear wandered aimlessly through life. He used Myspace to get into the pants of impressionable scene girls and has continued doing so for a long five years. Developing dependencies on meth, cigarettes, and cheap women, Bribear seems to be heading for an early and ignominous death. I say let the fuck walk off the edge, as his parents never taught him respect in the first place. Bribear's only friends are Anus and Ronny.

Eating habits Edit

Sunchips and Milk Edit

Bribear primarily subsists on a diet of Sun Chips and milk, the most awful food/drink combination for the most awful person in existence.

McDonalds Edit

Occasionally, Bribear shakes things up a bit and springs for McDonalds. Seems innocent enough. However, what you didn't know is that instead of just eating the McDonalds out of the cardboard and plastic graciously provided by his local franchise location, he removes the burger, chicken mcnuggets, french fries and probably even the value menu soda onto actual, cupboard-stocked dinnerware. The whole meal is then topped off with a portion of Jell-O. I bet you weren't expecting that.

Vocal Chords Edit

Bribear's vocal chords are subject to much debate. Many say that his voice can break windows, mirrors and fine china. Bribear was born with what is perhaps the loudest and most abrasive monotone yet known to man. Somehow feeling that this wasn't enough, he began to inhale two packs a day, giving his voice a raspy vibrato finish that tops his entire self with a serving of melted black licorice and a virgin suicide.

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